Fueling the instinctual drama of many teens and tweens, some children seem to be magnets, regularly attracting angst-ridden friends. The combination of live-in and visiting drama kings and queens can wear a parent down.

Although drama can be frustrating and counter-productive, you can take steps to ensure you’re not fighting an uphill battle.

Who is Most Dramatic?
It’s important to understand how your child exhibits drama. Despite stereotypes and foregone conclusions, young boys are just as apt to be dramatic as their female counterparts. “One major difference between a boy’s and a girl’s drama is the way it’s expressed,” says Child Advocate Specialist and Family Therapist Marie Monteleone.

Young boys tend to bottle their emotions up until they can no longer contain their feelings. “Boys will often explode by shouting or melt down into an angry pile of tears,” says Monteleone. Teen boys may fly off the handle at a sibling who accidentally touched their possession or at a parent who inadvertently crosses an invisible boundary line. “My son has stormed out of the room in tears just because I asked how his day was,” shares mom Laura Preston.

“Girls are more apt to express their emotions more frequently,” Monteleone adds. Elizabeth O’Hagan agrees. “One of my daughters turns setting the table for dinner into an elaborate production,” says this mother of four girls, “while another carries on about her hair not being perfect as though it were the end of the world!”

Why All the Drama?
To some extent, every teen or tween plays the part of drama king or queen. Drama gives teens the chance to explore the ranges of their emotions and measure reactions to their emotions. Once you determine what is at the heart of your child’s drama, you’ll be able to divert it.

Many teens turn to drama because they’re looking for attention. Is it possible your daughter is trying to belong to a social group and feels needed or accepted by friends who surround themselves with drama? She may be struggling with peer pressure or how to express herself to her family and friends. Talk with her to provide clarity as to how she develops friendships and chooses to express her feelings, concerns, or fears.

Dramatic young men might be teetering between wanting to be babied and wanting to be treated like an adult. “Understanding where a teen is coming from will provide insight into his emotions,” says Monteleone.

Curbing Dramatic Behavior
Taming teen drama takes a skillful mix of patience, creativity, and persistence, but it’s an attainable goal. Here are some tips to make it happen:

• Provide consistent boosts to your child’s self esteem and confidence. Such reinforcement eliminates the desire to gain attention through drama.
• Accentuate the positive characteristics of your teen’s peers who are not overly dramatic. Your child will develop self-confidence to form mutually rewarding and respectful relationships that are not filled with constant angst and drama.
• Resist fueling the situation by drawing attention to your teen’s dramatic scenes. If your teen becomes overly emotional, calmly and briefly explain that such emotions do not promote effective communication and she should go to another room to compose herself. Soon she will choose more acceptable forms of expression and communication.
• “Set reasonable rules and consequences,” says Licensed Professional Counselor and Licensed Alcohol/Drug Counselor Carla McAuliffe, MA of Edmond. “It gives them a sense of security as they begin to test their wings and teaches them to be responsible for their choices.”
• “Don’t take the drama personally—separate yourself from your child’s behavior,” McAuliffe says.
• “Stop protecting and start preparing,” urges McAuliffe. “Allow your teen to make mistakes, and guide them through the learning process without rescuing them.”
• Experts agree that keeping the lines of communication open is critical. “Allow your teen to talk to you when he wants to talk—and listen to what he has to say,” says McAuliffe.

Gina Roberts-Grey is the mother on a ten year old son and freelance writer. She has contributed to more than 150 publications and lives with her family in Baldwinsville, New York.