On bad days I think of myself as a maid, cook, chauffeur. On good days, a teacher, mentor, spiritual advisor. A new title crossed my path recently that not only fits, but puffs my ego a bit. I am truly my child’s life coach. Are you ready to think of yourself in this new light, complete with the kudos and commitments?

The Institute for Life Coach Training describes life coaching in this way, “Life coaches help their clients design the life they want, bring out their clients’ own brilliance and resources so that they can achieve excellence, and create purposeful, extraordinary lives.” Forget the housework and throwing together meals—a life coach is really what we do as moms.

To truly appreciate how this defines our role, let’s look more closely at life coaching. Life coaching focuses on the client (your kids) achieving their chosen goals. The role of the coach is not to be the ultimate decision maker but the facilitator, delivering clarity, support, accountability, focus, inspiration, challenge, and direction. According to Daniel Martinage, Executive Director of the International Coach Federation, “No matter how good of a coach you choose, the results are a matter of the client’s intentions, choices, and actions.” Useful words to keep in mind when your teenager decides to sport a nose ring.

The Institute for Life Coach Training lists the most important skills used in effective coaching as “listening, building rapport, encouraging, facilitating change, empathy, and objectivity.” All skills the typical parent would love to own. Bill Dueease, president of The Coach Connection, adds specific responsibilities to our job description. He explains that coaches help their clients “overcome obstacles and fears, focus on solutions to problems in their lives, have someone to bounce ideas off (no matter how silly they may seem to them or others), and discover truths about themselves and how they can improve.” They also help them “accomplish more than they thought possible, achieve balance in their personal and business lives, and improve their professional and life skills.”

So now that you’ve embraced this concept for yourself, and even toyed with the idea of business cards, let’s make sure we’re on the right track. After all, there are good life coaches, and well, those who phone it in.

Keys to Success for the Life Coach Parent

• Ongoing communication. “In coaching, the client chooses the focus of conversation, while the coach listens and contributes observations and questions.” – Daniel Martinage, International Coach Federation
• Complete honesty. “The best coaches are those that can help you see your strengths and weaknesses, in an honest manner.” – Daniel Martinage
• Nurturing wisdom. “Even though parents are charged with ‘knowing best,’ they must also listen deeply to draw out their child’s own internal wisdom.” - Dr. Erika Lund, Chicago-area life coach
• Pay attention. “As a parent we can’t give 100% to each kid all the time, but we can give 100% to each kid for at least some of the time, every day.” - Bill Dueease, The Coach Connection

A glaring difference between life coaching and parenting roles, as noted by Dr. Lund, lies in the inherent nature of the pair. After all, parents are not hired by their children, and the parental relationship is not one of equals. Dr. Lund views the parent/child relationship as “hierarchical, rather than a fully team-based relationship.”

Another difference is the contrast in pay. According to the International Coach Federation, the average life coach earns about $100-$150 per hour. Corporate coaches earn even more, averaging $200-$400 per hour. This compares to…the warm glow of satisfaction we all get when our children decide to behave in public.

Timing, however, is where we find the greatest difference between coaching and parenting. Professional life coaches starts with a three to six month commitment. Typically, coaching is done long distance, mostly over the phone in 30-60 minute sessions. For parents, a lifelong commitment begins when the stick turns blue. I truly believe that if parenting carried the level of time commitment required of a life coach, everyone would be great at it.

Steve Mitten is a professional coach and the director of the International Coach Federation. In summarizing his chosen career, he could be describing parenting just as easily as being a life coach. “I think coaching is something you are called to. And if you hear the calling I am sure you will find the whole process one of the most satisfying journeys of your life. It won’t be easy. You will have your share of challenges. But the lessons you learn, the growth you will experience, and the huge satisfaction of having a positive impact on other people’s lives will make it worthwhile.”

So as we look back on the job description of a life coach, even the best parent among us can find nuggets of wisdom to reinforce what we are currently doing, or to give us the confidence to do what we must. After all, life coaching is a relatively new profession, while parenting truly is the oldest!

Linda Kozlowski is a freelance writer and life coach to her two boys. She resides in Glen Ellyn, Illinois.