As the father of a wonderful daughter, I have always wanted to be the best dad I could be. I know I have fallen short many times, and each day I wonder how I am doing. I’ve read many parenting articles and books that teach good parenting skills. The following is inspired by those teachings and is dedicated to my daughter.
We all know that the teen years are filled with change and upheaval. If you’re like me, you’re watching your daughter grow, make decisions, and develop into a young woman. As parents, we all know the risks our children face—depression, low self-confidence, relationship problems, body image issues, and early puberty. If these or other problems go unresolved, they can lead to drug and alcohol abuse and other types of unhealthy behaviors.
One of the key issues that teen girls face is in their relationships with their boyfriends. Many girls feel their worth depends on their boyfriends. In counseling or treatment, we find that many teenage girls who have substance abuse problems report they initially started using drugs and alcohol as a result of trying to fit into the relationship they were in.
Though some days we might have trouble believing it, we parents can still have the most influence in our child’s life. We can help our daughters navigate these stressful and exciting times.
Words of Wisdom
Below are tips from “Parents. The Anti-Drug” website (www.AnitDrug.com) on how to raise healthy, drug-free daughters.
• Maximize your time together to build a strong bond. Spend time just listening to her thoughts, feelings, fears, and concerns. Teens who spend time, talk, and have a close relationship with their parents are much less likely to drink, take drugs, or have sex.
• Really listen to what your daughter is saying. Make the time to ask about her school, friends, activities, and interests.
• Talk to your daughter about the dangers of drug and alcohol use.
• Make a special date with her—a regularly-scheduled time to talk and enjoy each other’s company.
• Model coping skills to manage stress and pressure. Support your daughter through the stresses of adolescence by understanding the source of the stress and modeling healthy coping skills.
• Set positive examples by setting realistic goals, learning to prioritize, getting enough sleep, and engaging in physical activity.
• Teach your daughter how to handle negative peer pressure—teach her skills such as how to say no.
• Build your daughter’s self-confidence by recognizing her strengths, skills, and interests.
• Provide meaningful roles for your daughter in the family. Treat her as a unique individual, distinct from siblings or stereotypes.
• Encourage your daughter to develop an identity based on her talents and interests. Downplay appearance and weight, and tell her a beautiful body is one that is healthy and strong.
• Promote healthy activities, such as exercising and community service. Teenagers enjoy giving to others, but they need your support.
Love and Limits
Show your unconditional love, but don’t be afraid to set rules. Parental disapproval of drug use plays a strong role in keeping teens drug-free. Parental monitoring has been shown effective in reducing risky behaviors among teens.
Parents should know that marijuana is the most widely used drug among girls. In fact, more teenage girls use marijuana than cocaine, heroin, ecstasy, and all other illicit drugs combined! And girls are catching up with, or have surpassed, boys in other areas, such as use of alcohol, tobacco, and general illicit drugs.
She Needs You
Growing up and gaining more independence doesn’t mean our daughters stop being our little girls. We must remain an integral part of our daughter’s lives.
It’s important to spend time with our daughters to find out what is going on in their lives, discover what stresses them out, and practice the 4 Ms:
• Maximize your communication,
• Model positive coping skills,
• Motivate your daughter to be more self-confident, and
• Monitor her activities.
For more tips, visit SOS’s website at www.OKCSOS.com and click the link “Tips for Moms and Dads.”
Give your daughter your time and attention regularly.
Inspire her interests and talents to help her build strong self-esteem.
Recognize good behaviors and praise your daughter often.
Love, but limit. Set expectations and clear no-drug rules.
Stress is a big deal. Stay in-tune with what’s going on in your daughter’s life.
James Patterson is certified substance abuse counselor and the founder and executive director of Specialized Outpatient Services. SOS offers a wide range of assessment, referral, drug testing, outpatient, and intensive outpatient substance abuse services for teens and families in the OKC metro area.